haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize