I want to walk on stilts...naked
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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