smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
