Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
