why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
