and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
