Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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