You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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