Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
