so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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