i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
