I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if only i could text you this smell
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
