Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
