I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
