SEEEEXXX PLEASE
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
