I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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