I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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