Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
