handjob tips. give me some.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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