This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
