What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
