She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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