I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
