I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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