1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
