Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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