Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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