Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
