loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
