I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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