Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
