i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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