I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
