I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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