i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
