I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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