I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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