I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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