Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
