just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
