oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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