i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
