My room smells like vodka and shame
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
