i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
