eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
