mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize