Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
