did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
