I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
