Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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