I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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