I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
