What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
