so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
