By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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