i jhust puked up my retainher.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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