tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
