Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize