I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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