Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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