do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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