my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
