Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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