he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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