im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
