she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
