4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
