I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
