Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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