so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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