Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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