just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
