i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
where are you?
Hypothermia
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
