Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
