We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
