I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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