Umm I'm too high to move.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
