I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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