all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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