the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
