do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
