All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize