I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
