ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
