Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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