I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
