Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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