i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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