the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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